respect – Changing the Face of Christianity

Thou Shalt Not – What You Are Never Allowed To Say To Non-Christians

January 13, 2011 By R. Brad White 10 Comments

Thou Shalt Not Say…

What I’m presenting is simply a list of things that enrage the other side

I’ve learned many things over the years about what NOT to say to an Atheist, a non-Christian homosexual, or any other non-believer. I call them the “Thou Shalt Not Say Commandments”. We should always be prepared to speak the truth, and I’m NOT suggesting you hold your tongue when faced with false teaching. What I’m presenting is simply a list of things that enrage the other side. Things that set them off. Things that end discussion and cause resentment instead of the opposite, which is hopefully one of your goals.

Consider Where The Conversation Will Go

Do you want to continue a conversation with the other side, or do you want to end it and never return?

Like when you are on a first date with a new lady, and she asks “How do I look in this dress?” There are good responses and there are insanely stupid responses that will end the “date” immediately. Consider my suggestions in that context. Ever been asked, “Do I look fat in this dress?” Be VERY careful :-). Do you want to continue a conversation with the other side, or do you want to end it and never return? Be wise is all I’m suggesting.

Be Prepared and Think First

Whenever we speak, we need to be prepared for the response we are likely to receive. If you are an adult, you consider this BEFORE you speak. So again, feel free to speak the truth…I encourage you to do so. Just do so with full knowledge of the response you’ll get.

I’m only going to list a few here, and I’d like you to finish the list with your own experience. Share your own “Thou Shalt Not’s”. When we are through, I will prepare a white paper to distribute so we all know the ground rules. Again, let me know your thoughts.

Thou Shalt Not! Commandments

Thou Shalt Not Say…

Quoting the Bible to an atheist is like them trying to counsel or correct you by quoting from Lord of the Rings

Homosexuality is a sin (It is a sin, just like many other sins heterosexual sinners commit everyday, but we are not allowed to say it)
Homosexuality is a choice (There is a lot of debate here, but be prepared for war if you ever say it)
“Stop cussing please“, or “can we just be polite?” (Google “Tone Trolling” for more info. Whereas in evolved cultures and societies common decency in communication is a virtue, the opposite is often true when talking with the other side). You are not allowed to be offended. Only they can be offended by your desire to be civil. You are not allowed to control what they say, but they are allowed to control what you say by suggesting you stop trying to make them play nicey nice. My only real suggestion here is to live and practice what YOU believe. If you think you should be nice during a conversation…then be nice. If they aren’t nice back…consider it the price for engaging with someone with a vastly different worldview.
“You are going to go to hell if you don’t accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. AND, what have you got to lose? If we are right, then you are saved. If we are wrong, you are no worse off.” Atheists and rationalists have a name for this argument. It’s called “Pascal’s Wager“. It’s a little too involved to explain here, but I encourage you to read about it on wikipedia. Now, usually this argument is not met with a lot of anger back. However, they’ve heard it many times before and will quickly zap you for being uninformed about the common use of this by believers. In truth, it’s not a good argument. So, I agree with the opposition on this one. There are many stronger apologetic arguments, and this one just isn’t necessary or helpful.
Never Ever Ever Quote the Bible. John 3:6 says… OK, when we are in our cozy Christian circles, quote the Bible all you want. In fact, feel free to quote the Bible to atheists. Just accept the fact that they don’t regard the Bible as legitimate. Speak the Truth? YES! But quoting the Bible to an atheist is like them trying to counsel or correct you by quoting from Lord of the Rings or The Da Vinci Code. If they believe the Bible is fictional like those best-sellers, it won’t aid you in your conversation. If you aren’t sure about this, ask first “Do you believe the Bible is true?” If they say no, then talk to them using sources that they DO accept as truth. Quote from Darwin’s Origin of Species. Or quote from a book by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens. They may actually hear you.

Again, I’ve got a lot more of these, but I want to hear your list.

A Productive Conversation Between Atheists and Christians

January 10, 2011 By R. Brad White 2 Comments

Can We Talk?

Let’s suppose we could put our differences aside for a little while and just have a productive conversation together, what should Atheists and Christians talk about?

Let’s put our differences aside and talk about ways we can work together for the common good of society.

We have an opportunity in our future to have such a public conversation and we are looking for topics of discussion.

We want to avoid the usual suspects: Does God Exist? etc… Instead, let’s talk about ways we can work together for the common good of society. Let’s talk about what we have in common. Let’s talk about…(your turn to fill in the blank). Or if you would rather see us DO something together instead of talk, share your thoughts on that too using the comment area below.

Are Homosexuals Born That Way and Does It Really Matter?

January 5, 2011 By R. Brad White 87 Comments

homophobia, homophobic — Photo by Janlupus

Are Homosexuals Born That Way?

Most homosexuals would say that they have always been attracted to the same sex. And among current homosexuals, there doesn’t seem to be any room for calling their same-sex attraction a choice.

The question of whether homosexuals are born with a pre-disposition to same-sex attraction is a given. Most if not all homosexuals and their close friends would say that they have always been attracted to the same sex. And among current homosexuals, there doesn’t seem to be any room for calling their same-sex attraction a choice. “I would never choose this” is the universal response. Looking at the question as either black or white, I would tend to agree with the homosexuals on this one. In my opinion, it’s the exceptions to the rule, “the gray” that causes much of the debate.

Evidence Suggests It’s a Choice for Some

I’ve personally known heterosexuals who later became homosexual. And I’ve personally known homosexuals who later became heterosexual. There are several ministries (http://www.exodusinternational.org/, http://www.venusmagazine.org/cover_story.html) devoted to helping people leave homosexuality, and they seem to be experiencing a degree of success.

…that indicates that embracing homosexuality CAN be a choice…at least for SOME homosexuals.

To me, that indicates that even though there may be an incredibly strong, natural same-sex attraction among homosexuals, that embracing homosexuality CAN be a choice…at least for SOME homosexuals.

The usual rebuttals to these deconversions usually sound like this: “they were never really gay in the first place”, or “they are simply denying their natural attraction and are now living a lie”, or “they are succumbing due to family or cultural pressure.” However, trying to tell someone else why they made a choice, or explain away why they made an LGBT politically unpopular choice to leave homosexuality is incredibly insensitive and presumptuous.

The Debate Continues – Let’s Dialogue

We want to encourage voices from both heterosexuals AND homosexuals on this topic.

And so, there will continue to be disagreement on all sides of this evolving issue. We don’t expect to settle this question here, or reverse Christian homophobia overnight, but we do want to encourage positive open dialogue on this volatile issue. We want to encourage voices from both heterosexuals AND homosexuals on this topic. Use the comments to tell us YOUR story from your own perspective so we can all learn.

Does It Matter Either Way?

Seeking common ground, I think we can agree that homosexuals and LGBT‘s have been grossly mistreated.

In other words, regardless of what you believe on the issue of whether homosexuals are born that way, or whether they can choose it or reject it, we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. To reverse Christian homophobia, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. We can discuss and debate how the Bible (God’s word) should be interpreted on the topic of homosexuality, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. We may have opposing beliefs about whether your identity, who you are, should be grounded in your sexuality or rooted in who God says you are…a child of God, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect.

Let’s Treat Homosexuals with Love and Respect Either Way

I think we can agree that homosexuals and LGBT’s have been grossly mistreated. We MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect.

We can disagree on lots of things surrounding the issue, but together we can make a difference if we focus on what’s most important…treating each other with love and respect regardless of sexual orientation.

I believe helping Christians with their homophobia, and any homophobia I may still have left in me, will ultimately benefit society and the homosexual community in the world. Together we can build bridges and learn to love each other instead of continuing to attack each other physically and verbally.

Our Mission – It’s a Marathon, Not a Race

One of the things we would ask in this subject area is your patience with our ministry. When we started Changing the Face of Christianity in June 2010, we recognized that to accomplish our mission to make a noticeable difference on a global scale would take a lifetime and would also necessarily involve LOTS of other people working toward the same goal worldwide. So, we don’t view our mission as a sprint to the finish line, but rather an incredibly long marathon.

We are working to reverse Christian intolerance, and helping Christians positively engage with people of other beliefs. This does not mean accepting or agreeing with every other belief system out there, but it does mean looking at people with other beliefs as still incredibly important and valuable to God, and allowing ourselves to look past differences and to seek areas of agreement.
We are trying to reverse Christian judgmentalism, and help Christians understand that WE have no sound basis for treating others as “less-than” us.
We are trying to reverse Christian hypocrisy, and help Christians to live lives that honor God.
And as we’ve discussed, we are trying to reverse Christian homophobia.

We Ask for your Grace, Support and Encouragement

We fully expect to learn many things along the way that we hope to be able to share with everyone for the common good. In that light, we would ask for your grace and support for that long term goal.

Even if you are anti-Christian or anti-religion, we would appreciate and welcome your moral support or “positive thoughts” and encouragement to help make a positive difference in this world.

Judgmental Video: What Happens When We Judge

November 5, 2010 By R. Brad White 2 Comments

This judgmental Christian video is a live interview with a lady who has been judged by her Christian family, Christian friends, and Christian neighbors. It shows what happens when we are hypocritical and point the finger of judgment at others. It shows the repulsion others feel when we are smug and self righteous, when we should be holding up a mirror. What do we truly hope to gain in a relationship when we judge others?

Produced by:
Joel Bowder, Metro Community Church Edwardsville, IL
Part of their “Perception” Series – based off the unchristian book. looking at the reality of how the world veiws Christians and what we need to do to change that perception.

Are Christians Intolerant?

October 18, 2010 By R. Brad White 4 Comments

religious Intolerance, tolerance, intolerant — Photo by Identity Photogr@phy

Do Christians lack religious tolerance? I reject that completely! OK…just kidding. Read on…

Religious intolerance is defined as being so attached to one’s own belief as to be hostile to all others.

Intolerance Defined

Intolerance is defined as not tolerating or respecting beliefs, opinions, usages, manners, etc., different from one’s own, as in political or religious matters; bigoted. Religious intolerance is defined as being so attached to one’s own belief as to be hostile to all others.

The important words in the above intolerance definitions are “not respecting”, “different than our own”, and “hostile”.

Stop Disrespecting, Start Listening

We don’t win any points for disrespecting other people’s beliefs or opinions. When we are biased and refuse to listen to others who have an opinion or belief system that is different than our own, we come across as narrow-minded and our intolerance closes the door to the relationship and lock it shut. When we become hostile with others that disagree with us, we contribute to an antagonistic, unfriendly environment. What we are left with is the animosity often perceived between Christians and non-Christians.

The Heart of the Problem

This negative Christian stereotype of being intolerant, in my humble opinion, strikes to the heart of the problem within our Christian faith. We are called to love God and love each other, including non-Christians and non-believers. The fact is we don’t love other people very well.

That’s a failing heart condition…and it shows itself when we don’t love others enough to even listen to them or attempt to learn about their beliefs (E.g. religious intolerance). It shows itself when we refuse to spend time with people who are different than us, instead of “tolerating” their company. It becomes clear when we reject an opposing argument (on a faith, spiritual, religious, or scientific topic) without considering what is true or false, what is reasonable or unreasonable. In other words, when we outright refuse to hear someone else on a topic, it shows the lack of love in our hearts. This attitude IS narrow-minded and doesn’t contribute to a positive attitude toward Christian believers. Many of the non-believers I’ve encountered WANT to hear what we think and believe, but they also want their turn to share what they think and believe. I think that’s very reasonable and fair; tolerant!

Win the Relationship, Not the Argument

So, to be more tolerant of others with different opinions or beliefs, we must first look at our hearts. We must value building a relationship more than we value winning an argument. We must LOVE first. Then, we can listen.

We can’t expect other people to listen to us, if we are unwilling to extend the same respect to them.

Here is an important message about religious intolerance that I encourage you to receive. We can’t expect other people to listen to us and our Christian beliefs and opinions, if we are unwilling to extend the same respect to them. In order for others to be open to hearing your testimony and the reason you believe in Jesus Christ, you must be open to hearing from them first. In other words, for others to tolerate US, we must first tolerate (e.g. LOVE) them.

Don’t Stop Sharing Your Beliefs

We DO have valid reasons for our beliefs. We should be sharing our Christian beliefs with others. But if you love the other person, then be open to a dialog on the topic…not just a one-sided “preachy” sermon or lecture. You might be surprised to find that non-believers will respect us more if we simply shared our beliefs and were open to them sharing theirs.

When you share something close to your heart, how do you feel when the other person rejects it? How do you feel when they nit-pick it and try to find every loophole in your reasoning? It’s no fun and is very intolerant. Now, look in the mirror. What do you do when you encounter someone with a different opinion? Do you reject it? Do you nit-pick it and look for the loopholes? Do you allow your bias to cause you to reject what they are saying without really listening? No one wins.

Be First to Listen

So, as a Christian, go first. Show tolerance to other people and allow them to share ideas they are passionate about. Be the first to ask questions and sincerely listen. Then, be ready to share your reasoned beliefs when they ask “well, what do YOU think?”