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Open Letter to Christians from a Reasonable Non-Theist

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Changing the Face of Christianity Introduction

We recently received a letter from a “reasonable” non-theist, that we thought was worth sharing with our readers. When I say “reasonable”, I mean he is simply sharing his opinions on the topics we are passionate about.

After reading this letter, share what you can relate to and what WE can learn from his perspective.

He isn’t telling us we are wrong or stupid, he isn’t suggesting we throw away our Bible, and he isn’t attempting to discredit our beliefs. He is just sharing HIS perspective on the issues.

I think there are things we can learn from him about negative Christian stereotypes and how WE create them. It’s also important to note that he doesn’t claim to represent all of atheism/agnosticism/non-theism, similar to how our site doesn’t pretend to represent ALL of Christianity or Christian opinion.

If you choose to comment on this article, and we hope you do, PLEASE remember this is NOT a debate. Instead, let’s read/listen with an open mind and a humble heart. I encourage you to share what you can relate to and most importantly…what WE can learn from his perspective. Now, his open letter to Christians:

Open Letter to Christians from a Reasonable Non-Theist

Author: Anonymous for family privacy concerns we respect.

You are right about the negative stereotypes associated with Christianity in secular America.  Some of it is deserved, some of it is undeserved.  While I don’t agree with some of what you say on your site, I do believe I grasp the spirit of your intentions.

I have a confession:  Last week, when Congresswoman Giffords and several others were shot in Arizona, the first thing I said to my wife was “I bet the shooter is a conservative fundamentalist.”  My thoughts were wrong, however private I kept them.  Regardless of his theology, or lack there of, the man is clearly insane.  Clearly, you are not a violent fundamentalist, so this isn’t an apology.

Equal Rights and Freedoms

If one man’s rights are denied, then all of our rights are vulnerable.

I understand the difference between hateful religious groups like (WBC) Westboro Baptist Church, “The Family” (who are way more influential and dangerous than WBC, and well intentioned Christians such as yourself.  And you as a self professed former Atheist, I hope you understand that we (non-theists) are not intent on eliminating Christians or religious people, or taking away their rights.  On the contrary.  We don’t want your rights threatened anymore than we want our own threatened.  If one man’s rights are denied, then all of our rights are vulnerable.

This is where I see the biggest gap between Christians and Atheists.  If freedom of religion were taken away, and you were not allowed to congregate in a church, or pray to your god, most atheists I know would have a serious problem with that, and we would willingly stand up for your rights, even though we think your beliefs are incorrect.

On the other hand, it seems that Christians are very fast to contribute to the denial of our own rights to not acknowledge a god.  You won’t see many Christians fighting for separation of church and state.  You will be much more likely to see Christians redefining the phrase to fall in step with their beliefs.  This is nothing unusual for Christians, as Christians seem pretty consistent in forming an argument around a predetermined conclusion:  “God is the source of all that’s good, therefore nothing that promotes god can be bad,” or “God loves his children, so there’s nothing wrong with a public school teacher leading the class in a prayer.”

Prayer in School-Be Consistent

Had the Principal led the school in an Islamic prayer the Christian teachers would have had a fit.  This mentality and interruption of consistency and reason is what bothers Atheists about Christians the most.

On the issue of school prayer, there is not an atheist I know who feels that kids don’t have the right to private prayer with their god.  It is a different matter entirely when a public school teacher leads the class in a public prayer.  This is wrong, and it’s equal to the state promoting one religion over the other.  I think you can probably agree with this.

However, during a friend’s first day teaching at her new public school this past summer, the Principal decided that he would lead the teachers in an open prayer.  Being that we’re in North Carolina, I’m fairly certain that most of the staff is Christian of one denomination or another, but my friend is agnostic.  She was afraid of objecting to the prayer, and I can’t blame her.  Her job was hard to find, and she didn’t want to put a target on herself.  But none of her fellow Christian teachers seemed to mind in the least.

I am willing to bet that not a single one of them saw anything wrong with what they were doing.  However, had the Principal led the school in an Islamic prayer, my friend would have been equally as uncomfortable with the prayer, and your Christian teachers would have had a fit.  This type of mentality, this interruption of consistency and reason is what bothers Atheists about Christians the most.

Belief or Disbelief in God is Important

Feelings and thoughts on god are very, very important to us.

That being said, it’s in our differences that we see our similarities.  While we can disagree on the existence of god, it is quite apparent that our feelings and thoughts on god are very, very important to us.  You will be hard pressed to find a person who claims to be an atheist who hasn’t spent a considerable amount of time deciding that god isn’t real.  It is a major journey in one’s life to truly come to theological peace.  I never arrived at peace with my theology until I decided that god wasn’t real.

Former Christian, Now Atheist (non-theist)

I grew up attending church, sometimes 4 times a week.

I grew up attending church, sometimes 4 times a week (twice on Sunday, Wednesday night for bible study, Friday night for youth group).  I attended Wesleyan, Baptist, Methodist, and Christian Missionary Alliance churches at different times regularly throughout my life.  Wesleyan until I was about 9 years old, Alliance until I was 13, and then bouncing between Methodist and Baptist (because our Methodist church didn’t have a youth group) until half way through college.  I didn’t “lose my faith” so much as I found myself, and I found reason.  I found that I could not reconcile my skepticism with faith.  I am happy accepting this.  Happier than I was when I was struggling with something that made no sense to me.  I’m now living a life that makes sense to me.

Grandfather (Wesleyan Minister) Was Great Influence

My grandfather was a Wesleyan minister, and he was and continues to be one of the greatest influences on how I live my life.  When I was a kid, my grandfather represented Jesus to me, and even though he’s been dead for 20 years, I still hear people say that about him.  He was a great man.  And he was a great man because he was a servant.  He was kind, he was gentle, he was loving, he was giving, and he was genuine.  He wasn’t a perfect man, but he was as close as I’ve ever known.  He was also a reasonable man.

Jesus gives no exceptions when he tells people to be gentle and kind.

He was sincerely pro-life by the definition of the word, and not by the socially accepted meaning of it.  By that I mean that he truly believed that EVERY life was precious, not just the life of an unborn baby, or a person in a vegetative state.  He decided that to be TRULY pro-life, one must oppose the death penalty.  In the red letters in the gospels, Jesus gives no exceptions when he tells people to be gentle and kind.  He doesn’t say “be kind to all, except for people who cut you off in traffic.”  Or, “treat everyone well, unless they were convicted of murder.”  To me, my grandpa represented this better than anybody I’ve known.  He lived it.

Not Many Christians To Admire Anymore

I don’t see the love and the gentleness and thoughtfulness that defined my grandpa.

Since he’s left my life, I look at most Christians and I see people who are looking for justification to condemn, or just a massive cluster of exceptions and faulty ideas of what love is.  I hardly see anything I admire anymore.  I see character traits that I’ve fought my entire life to remove from myself, to improve myself away from.  I don’t see the love and the gentleness and thoughtfulness that defined my grandpa.  Maybe I’m naive, but I expect people who claim to have “the answer” to live a life that’s worth striving towards.

What I see instead is justification of exclusion, and often celebration of Prosperity Theology.  What we perceive from the outside is that you’re saying to us, and to everyone who isn’t already in your group “we know you’re flawed, we know you’re a sinner, we are too, join us and we’ll help you find salvation.”  What I’m not hearing or seeing is “we love you, and we care about who you are and we want to know you and what you have to say.”  Christians aren’t interested in what anybody has to say, they’re only interested in telling everyone “how it is.”  That’s not conversation, and it’s rarely helpful.

Evangelicals often celebrate the most cynical pundits and celebrities who sound and act the opposite of gentle, kind, and genuine.  Sarah Palin criticizes Michelle Obama for promoting healthy exercise and eating habits in children (a Presidentially encouraged idea since 1956), and the next thing I know I’m hearing conservative Christians praise and support her crazy words about how “the government can’t tell me how to raise my kids.”

Glenn Beck villanizes half of the American population, speaks about apocalyptic-like hard times, and how everybody should be prepared and purchase a product that he advertises called “Food Insurance.”  The next thing you know, the Mormon owned company “Food Insurance” gets a massive boost in sales by the Evangelical community, thanks to Beck’s fear mongering sales pitch (btw, you can assemble the contents of a Food Insurance package yourself at about 1/3 of the cost).  I’m saying this as somebody who doesn’t like Keith Olbermann either.  These aren’t good people.

A History Lesson (Segregation, Slavery, Gay Marriage)

Thirty years down the road, these opponents of gay rights are going to be looked at the same way as the racist segregationists.

Do you know that many preachers and Christians stood against integration in the south, or of abolishment of slavery, only now to be looked at shamefully?  How many Christians today would proudly take up either position?  There were no new books of the bible written between then and now, it’s the same book.  And today we have Christians who proudly support Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and who proudly “stand up” against gay marriage with the whole “what’s next, we let a guy marry a turtle” slippery slope argument. Thirty years down the road, these opponents of gay rights are going to be looked at the same way as the racist segregationists.  Your grand children are going to come home after civics class and ask you if you were for or against gay rights.

Are you going to say “well, it was complicated,” when it will be abundantly clear to you that gays with equal rights doesn’t hurt society?  In fairness, there were also plenty of Christians and churches who supported civil rights all along.  I know the Wesleyan Church has always stood against slavery and mistreatment of African Americans.  But the point is, several denominations of Christians were absolutely wrong, and they did so much damage to so many people.  That fact still hasn’t changed, and it continues today.

Conclusion

We both seem to agree that being a good Christian starts by striving to be a good person.

Anyhow, aside from the fact that we simply don’t believe in a god, those are many of the reasons why we have a problem with Christianity. Dan Merchant, the creator of “Lord, Save Us From Your Followers“, seems to have a pretty decent idea of how to be a good Christian.  We both seem to agree that being a good Christian starts by striving to be a good person. Have you seen Dan’s film, or read anything by him?  I would highly recommend it to you. He’s an excellent example of a Christian who is really striving to live like Christ.

Thanks for your time, and best of luck to you. I certainly appreciate what you’re trying to do.

CFC Response:

Thanks SO much for sharing your story and experience in and out of the Christian faith. You raise some very important things for us to consider and work through. And yes, we love Dan Merchant’s work. His book/DVD is on our Recommended Reading List. His movie is also an “instant play” on Netflix…so anyone with Netflix can watch it now! Thanks again and we hope you continue to engage with us as we continue to engage with non-Christians and repair the damage that has caused so much animosity and mistrust between us. Peace to you and your family.

Are Homosexuals Born That Way and Does It Really Matter?

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Photo by Janlupus

Are Homosexuals Born That Way?

Most homosexuals would say that they have always been attracted to the same sex. And among current homosexuals, there doesn’t seem to be any room for calling their same-sex attraction a choice.

The question of whether homosexuals are born with a pre-disposition to same-sex attraction is a given. Most if not all homosexuals and their close friends would say that they have always been attracted to the same sex. And among current homosexuals, there doesn’t seem to be any room for calling their same-sex attraction a choice. “I would never choose this” is the universal response. Looking at the question as either black or white, I would tend to agree with the homosexuals on this one. In my opinion, it’s the exceptions to the rule, “the gray” that causes much of the debate.

Evidence Suggests It’s a Choice for Some

I’ve personally known heterosexuals who later became homosexual. And I’ve personally known homosexuals who later became heterosexual. There are several ministries (http://www.exodusinternational.org/, http://www.venusmagazine.org/cover_story.html) devoted to helping people leave homosexuality, and they seem to be experiencing a degree of success.

…that indicates that embracing homosexuality CAN be a choice…at least for SOME homosexuals.

To me, that indicates that even though there may be an incredibly strong, natural same-sex attraction among homosexuals, that embracing homosexuality CAN be a choice…at least for SOME homosexuals.

The usual rebuttals to these deconversions usually sound like this: “they were never really gay in the first place”, or “they are simply denying their natural attraction and are now living a lie”, or “they are succumbing due to family or cultural pressure.” However, trying to tell someone else why they made a choice, or explain away why they made an LGBT politically unpopular choice to leave homosexuality is incredibly insensitive and presumptuous.

The Debate Continues – Let’s Dialogue

We want to encourage voices from both heterosexuals AND homosexuals on this topic.

And so, there will continue to be disagreement on all sides of this evolving issue. We don’t expect to settle this question here, or reverse Christian homophobia overnight, but we do want to encourage positive open dialogue on this volatile issue. We want to encourage voices from both heterosexuals AND homosexuals on this topic. Use the comments to tell us YOUR story from your own perspective so we can all learn.

Does It Matter Either Way?

Seeking common ground, I think we can agree that homosexuals and LGBT‘s have been grossly mistreated.

In other words, regardless of what you believe on the issue of whether homosexuals are born that way, or whether they can choose it or reject it, we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. To reverse Christian homophobia, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. We can discuss and debate how the Bible (God’s word) should be interpreted on the topic of homosexuality, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. We may have opposing beliefs about whether your identity, who you are, should be grounded in your sexuality or rooted in who God says you are…a child of God, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect.

Let’s Treat Homosexuals with Love and Respect Either Way

I think we can agree that homosexuals and LGBT’s have been grossly mistreated. We MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect.

We can disagree on lots of things surrounding the issue, but together we can make a difference if we focus on what’s most important…treating each other with love and respect regardless of sexual orientation.

I believe helping Christians with their homophobia, and any homophobia I may still have left in me, will ultimately benefit society and the homosexual community in the world. Together we can build bridges and learn to love each other instead of continuing to attack each other physically and verbally.

Our Mission – It’s a Marathon, Not a Race

One of the things we would ask in this subject area is your patience with our ministry. When we started Changing the Face of Christianity in June 2010, we recognized that to accomplish our mission to make a noticeable difference on a global scale would take a lifetime and would also necessarily involve LOTS of other people working toward the same goal worldwide. So, we don’t view our mission as a sprint to the finish line, but rather an incredibly long marathon.

  • We are working to reverse Christian intolerance, and helping Christians positively engage with people of other beliefs. This does not mean accepting or agreeing with every other belief system out there, but it does mean looking at people with other beliefs as still incredibly important and valuable to God, and allowing ourselves to look past differences and to seek areas of agreement.
  • We are trying to reverse Christian judgmentalism, and help Christians understand that WE have no sound basis for treating others as “less-than” us.
  • We are trying to reverse Christian hypocrisy, and help Christians to live lives that honor God.
  • And as we’ve discussed, we are trying to reverse Christian homophobia.

We Ask for your Grace, Support and Encouragement

We fully expect to learn many things along the way that we hope to be able to share with everyone for the common good. In that light, we would ask for your grace and support for that long term goal.

Even if you are anti-Christian or anti-religion, we would appreciate and welcome your moral support or “positive thoughts” and encouragement to help make a positive difference in this world.

Homophobia Video: Roger’s Story from Lord Save Us From Your Followers Film

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This homophobia video is a short segment from the film titled “Lord Save Us From Your Followers” by Dan Merchant. It’s a compelling story of how Christians often mistreat homosexuals and the damage homophobia causes. It features Dr. Tony Campolo who shares his personal experience and the tragedy of a homosexual named Roger.

How We Are Making A Difference

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Changing the Face of Christianity™ is making a difference by educating Christians on the intolerant words, the judgmental attitudes, and other negative Christian stereotypes we inadvertently promote.

We are making a difference by educating Christians and assisting in Christ-like transformation within our Christian churches.

Increasing Awareness

We are increasing awareness and assisting in Christ-like transformation within our Christian churches. We are promoting a Christian revival; a great awakening. While others are focused on evangelism and outreach, we are focusing on the growth, maturity, and transformation of Christians already in the church. Instead of hiding our flaws and imperfections, we are working for Christian transparency and realness. Instead of putting on a superficial mask, we are working for real heart change and transformation.

Working on Consistency and Depth

We are working to increase the consistency, depth, and true meaning of our faith, as modeled by Jesus Christ our Lord and savior. Like a wonderful sculpture, we are chiseling away those parts of our Christian faith and church that are not Biblical; those areas of our spirituality that are poor substitutes for the real thing.

We want to see Christians walking the walk, instead of talking the talk.

Jesus commands: “Love one another”. Are you doing that?

Jesus commands: “Love one another”. Are you doing that?

Think about how you act. Think about how you talk to people. Are you loving?

We Are Focused

Our ministry is 100% dedicated to reversing negative Christian stereotypes by removing those obstacles to loving one another; pride, arrogance, judgment, hypocrisy, homophobia, intolerance, and superficiality.

Please join us in this crucially important effort. We need every Christian we can connect with to engage in personal transformation into living more like Jesus Christ.

Are Christians Homophobic or Anti-Homosexual?

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Photo by Janlupus

Homophobia is Not Fear of Homosexuals

Homophobia is not a “fear” of homosexuality. Being homophobic means being anti-homosexual. In its worst form, homophobia can lead to direct acts of violence (both physical and verbal assaults) against gay people. Broadly speaking, any act or movement to discriminate or limit the equal rights of LGBTs (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgenders) is considered homophobic. Non-Christians believe we are homophobic and hostile towards gays and lesbians, or at a minimum that we are prejudiced against them.

Being homophobic means being anti-homosexual

Christian homophobia is shown when we treat gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, cross-dressers, transvestites, and transgendered peoples as immoral and most especially worse than us. They believe we treat homosexuals as wicked or “filthy”. Christian homophobia is also declared when Christians stand in direct opposition to gay marriage, which opposition is viewed as an attempt by a dominate majority (Christians) to control and limit the equal freedoms of a minority (LGBTs). Some misguided and absurdly uncompassionate Christians have gone so far as to claim that HIV-Aids is God’s punishment for their homosexuality.

Here are a few real stories that helps clarify their perspective on homophobic Christians:

From “artsyatheist” on thinkatheist.com

“The truth is that evangelical Christians believe that being gay is a “choice” and a “sin” is homophobic, and perpetuates a culture that wrongly discriminates and marginalizes.”

From “George K.” on thinkatheist.com

“I enjoy cross dressing, it makes me feel good about my appearance. It is my right, however the value of that right is severally damaged when I am constantly under question, and attack by members of various religious groups. I know better than to treat people (religious or otherwise) in such a crass and heartless manor. However many religious people, from my experience, do not know better. Are you personally familiar with what it feels like to have people follow you around shouting rude things, throwing empty coffee cups at you, or cornering you with the intention of goading you into a fight? I just want to live my life, my way.”

It’s clear from these stories and others that Christians don’t understand the significance of the homophobic stereotype. And this perception is not isolated to just homosexuals. Groups that support equal rights, rationalists and “free thinkers”, and atheists groups across the country hold this negative view of Christians.

These are incredibly tough issues that we need to take seriously.

This is also a dilemma within our churches. We have homosexual teens within our Christian families. Our kids go to high school and college with them and many have close friendships with homosexuals. We work next to them. In other words, they are a part of our community, both inside and outside our churches. The dilemma revolves around these issues in our opinion: 1) how can we show love to them even in the face of our different beliefs, 2) how can we speak the truth of what the Bible says without allowing judgmental attitudes to outweigh expressions of mercy and compassion, 3) how can we honor and defend our beliefs in the political arena without limiting the freedoms of fellow human beings, and 4) given the growing evidence that homosexuals are born with their sexual predisposition (e.g. the way God made them), how can we show them dignity and care for them without treating them as if they have an illness?

These are incredibly tough issues that we need to take seriously. And although many non-Christians say the only solution is for us to abandon our beliefs and throw away our Bibles, I can tell you that wanting that or expecting that response from Christians is just not reasonable. It would be like suggesting to capitalist Americans that the only way to save capitalism is to throw away the constitution and adopt communism. Christianity without the Bible is not a viable alternative. So, although the challenge is large, we need to seek solutions that are inclusive of our faith and Biblical principles.

We must pray long and hard about God’s will in this situation and seek to truly “see” the homosexual person standing before us. They are JUST LIKE US, with the exception of their sexuality. Are heterosexuals sinful? yes. Are homosexuals sinful? yes. In OUR book, we are ALL sinners. And Jesus came to save ALL of us…not just the heterosexuals. So, since we aren’t going to be giving up our Bibles anytime soon, let’s learn from it here…

The Bible Speaks

God speaks to us about sexual immorality. In the Old Testament when Jews were under the Mosaic Law, some sins were punished by death and others were forgiven through a ritual sacrifice, cleansing, or an offering on the temple altar. In the New Testament, sexual immorality is also discussed as a sin along with many other sins committed by heterosexuals every day. As Christians, we should look to Jesus as our role model to guide us through this dilemma.

How would Jesus treat a homosexual? He would not condemn them. He would love them.

How would Jesus treat a homosexual?

Similar to how he treated every other person. He would certainly not endorse their behavior. But he would not condemn them. He would love them and reach out to them. And if they accepted Him as their savior, he would forgive them and tell them to go, and sin no more.

So, what more should we do than what Jesus would do himself? I say, let’s not endorse their behavior and let’s NOT condemn them. Instead, let’s reach out to them and seek to truly love them like Jesus Christ. Let’s help them to see that Jesus came not only to save us, but also to save them.

Is “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” Real?

And let’s face it, the phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin” isn’t perceived as very real or genuine. We must work very hard to truly LOVE the person, in spite of their sins…just as Jesus loves us who believe in Him in spite of OUR sins. This attitude must not just be a catchy phrase we put on a t-shirt. It MUST be real and heartfelt. WE must transform ourselves into the lovers of people Jesus Christ has called us to be.

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