Q: The sermon topic in our church last week was about forgiveness. The preacher gave us a Bible verse that says if you don't forgive others then God won't forgive you! But what if you can't forgive? What if the wound was so great and the damage so enormous that the pain won't go away and no matter how hard you try or how much you may want to forgive, you just can't?
A: Yes, in Matthew 6:15 Jesus told us, "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." I'm glad your preacher gave you that verse. It's not one that most Christians memorize. Nevertheless it is a sobering truth about the life of a Christian.
You've hit on an important point - and that is that sometimes the forgiveness that's required is beyond human ability. In such cases, it will take a supernatural power to bring about that forgiveness in you. So you get on your knees and you confess the sin of unforgiveness. Agree with God that the forgiveness is appropriate and necessary. But confess to Him that you are not able to get to that forgiveness on your own. Ask God to help you. Seriously. Ask God to help you forgive that other person for whatever it was they did that caused such a serious wound in you.
The thing about forgiveness is that it is not a feeling. Nor is it tied to our feelings. So you don't, for example, forgive someone when the pain is gone. In fact, you could forgive someone when the pain is at its greatest. That's because forgiveness is something that we choose ... and not something that we feel. And if the pain is so great that you're unable to make that choice on your own, then confess that and ask God to help you. It's a prayer request He'd love to answer!
How to Deal with Difficult People-A Unsolved Mystery?
I think we’ve all encountered them at some point in our lives. Sometimes they are friends, sometimes they are acquaintances or co-workers, and sometimes they are family. I’m talking about Difficult People.
What makes difficult people tick? Do they find it hard to get along with everyone…or just select individuals?
This is an area where I admit openly…I don’t have a clue. Am “I” the one that’s actually difficult to get along with? Jesus, please help me to discern the truth!
Although I don’t have a reliable compass for navigating through such tough relationships, God does.
A few verses come to mind.
Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
The message? Forgive and keep on forgiving! Good advice.
Matthew 5:22-24 (NIV)
22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment…
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
The message? Don’t become angry, even with those who seem to be looking for a fight. Don’t harbor a grudge and bitter feeling that will only prove to eat you from the inside. Such grudges are used by the Devil to separate us from God. Instead, sincerely seek reconciliation. If they aren’t open to reconciliation…put it behind you and do your best to live with love in your heart for them.
Here is another lesson worth following. When you get angry with someone, instead of gossiping about it with others (which only tends to make the problem larger than life), dig into God’s word. Allow God to speak to your heart and advise you on the matter. God’s council is infinitely wise and true.
So, what has been your experience in dealing with difficult people? What works? What doesn’t? From someone who desperately needs help in this area…what advise do you have?
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