emotional scars – Changing the Face of Christianity

No One Even Noticed I left!

January 9, 2012 By R. Brad White 2 Comments

One theme I occasionally hear when talking with Ex-Christians and atheists is how when they left the church, no one even noticed. And when I say “left the church”, it initially could be for non-spiritual reasons such as a job change or a cross country move. It can also be for spiritual reasons such as dissatisfaction with or disagreement with their current church.

Do we care enough to reach out to someone who has left? 1 John 4:11 “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” What better way to love someone who has left than to take notice and reach out to them?

Everyone wants to feel like they are important and are missed. But when people don’t notice, it leaves an empty feeling in our souls. It reinforces spiritual doubts about the legitimacy of our faith. In other words, do we truly care for one another as we are taught to do? Do we care enough to reach out to someone who has left? 1 John 4:11 “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” What better way to love someone who has left than to take notice and reach out to them?

Are the leavers to blame?

Now, I have strong feelings about those who leave and aren’t missed by those left behind. I believe those that leave deserve at least part of the blame. I’ve been within a church, and left, and felt like I wasn’t missed. But in that church, I never got involved. I never volunteered. And I didn’t seek to become connected in any sub-surface relationships with others within the church. So, who did I allow to know me at a level that would notice if I suddenly stopped coming? It was my fault, at least in part.

But, let’s not use that example to excuse our part of the blame. The theme I have heard from many ex-Christians is that they left, and they expected to be noticed…and ended up disappointed. We as a faith or as a congregation failed to notice or do anything about it. This disappointment reinforces their lack of faith in a loving God who takes notice of them.

Are we just lazy or unloving?

Now, let’s shed light on an unspoken truth here. Many people DO notice, but far too few take the time to do or say anything about it. We’re lazy. Or maybe we think someone else has probably reached out and that our doing so is not necessary. It’s someone else’s job like the pastor right? Not!

Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has left, and then someone calls or emails and says “hey, I haven’t seen you around. How are you?” Suddenly, you feel important, noticed, and loved. That’s the impact we can have on one another if we simply go from noticing, to saying or doing something about it. And in a spiritual sense, we reinforce the person’s faith in God that they are loved and He cares about them. What we should do about it?

How to love the leavers

So, here is my call to action for you. Has someone left your church? Have you taken notice of someone you used to see in the hallways that you no longer see? Reach out to them in some way. Connect with them on Facebook. Call them or email them and simply let them know you noticed their absence. Let them know you care. Be a bridge of God’s love to them. By doing so, you will help change the face of Christianity and positively impact their faith in God at the same time.

Are Homosexuals Born That Way and Does It Really Matter?

January 5, 2011 By R. Brad White 87 Comments

homophobia, homophobic — Photo by Janlupus

Are Homosexuals Born That Way?

Most homosexuals would say that they have always been attracted to the same sex. And among current homosexuals, there doesn’t seem to be any room for calling their same-sex attraction a choice.

The question of whether homosexuals are born with a pre-disposition to same-sex attraction is a given. Most if not all homosexuals and their close friends would say that they have always been attracted to the same sex. And among current homosexuals, there doesn’t seem to be any room for calling their same-sex attraction a choice. “I would never choose this” is the universal response. Looking at the question as either black or white, I would tend to agree with the homosexuals on this one. In my opinion, it’s the exceptions to the rule, “the gray” that causes much of the debate.

Evidence Suggests It’s a Choice for Some

I’ve personally known heterosexuals who later became homosexual. And I’ve personally known homosexuals who later became heterosexual. There are several ministries (http://www.exodusinternational.org/, http://www.venusmagazine.org/cover_story.html) devoted to helping people leave homosexuality, and they seem to be experiencing a degree of success.

…that indicates that embracing homosexuality CAN be a choice…at least for SOME homosexuals.

To me, that indicates that even though there may be an incredibly strong, natural same-sex attraction among homosexuals, that embracing homosexuality CAN be a choice…at least for SOME homosexuals.

The usual rebuttals to these deconversions usually sound like this: “they were never really gay in the first place”, or “they are simply denying their natural attraction and are now living a lie”, or “they are succumbing due to family or cultural pressure.” However, trying to tell someone else why they made a choice, or explain away why they made an LGBT politically unpopular choice to leave homosexuality is incredibly insensitive and presumptuous.

The Debate Continues – Let’s Dialogue

We want to encourage voices from both heterosexuals AND homosexuals on this topic.

And so, there will continue to be disagreement on all sides of this evolving issue. We don’t expect to settle this question here, or reverse Christian homophobia overnight, but we do want to encourage positive open dialogue on this volatile issue. We want to encourage voices from both heterosexuals AND homosexuals on this topic. Use the comments to tell us YOUR story from your own perspective so we can all learn.

Does It Matter Either Way?

Seeking common ground, I think we can agree that homosexuals and LGBT‘s have been grossly mistreated.

In other words, regardless of what you believe on the issue of whether homosexuals are born that way, or whether they can choose it or reject it, we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. To reverse Christian homophobia, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. We can discuss and debate how the Bible (God’s word) should be interpreted on the topic of homosexuality, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect. We may have opposing beliefs about whether your identity, who you are, should be grounded in your sexuality or rooted in who God says you are…a child of God, but we MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect.

Let’s Treat Homosexuals with Love and Respect Either Way

I think we can agree that homosexuals and LGBT’s have been grossly mistreated. We MUST treat homosexuals with love and respect.

We can disagree on lots of things surrounding the issue, but together we can make a difference if we focus on what’s most important…treating each other with love and respect regardless of sexual orientation.

I believe helping Christians with their homophobia, and any homophobia I may still have left in me, will ultimately benefit society and the homosexual community in the world. Together we can build bridges and learn to love each other instead of continuing to attack each other physically and verbally.

Our Mission – It’s a Marathon, Not a Race

One of the things we would ask in this subject area is your patience with our ministry. When we started Changing the Face of Christianity in June 2010, we recognized that to accomplish our mission to make a noticeable difference on a global scale would take a lifetime and would also necessarily involve LOTS of other people working toward the same goal worldwide. So, we don’t view our mission as a sprint to the finish line, but rather an incredibly long marathon.

We are working to reverse Christian intolerance, and helping Christians positively engage with people of other beliefs. This does not mean accepting or agreeing with every other belief system out there, but it does mean looking at people with other beliefs as still incredibly important and valuable to God, and allowing ourselves to look past differences and to seek areas of agreement.
We are trying to reverse Christian judgmentalism, and help Christians understand that WE have no sound basis for treating others as “less-than” us.
We are trying to reverse Christian hypocrisy, and help Christians to live lives that honor God.
And as we’ve discussed, we are trying to reverse Christian homophobia.

We Ask for your Grace, Support and Encouragement

We fully expect to learn many things along the way that we hope to be able to share with everyone for the common good. In that light, we would ask for your grace and support for that long term goal.

Even if you are anti-Christian or anti-religion, we would appreciate and welcome your moral support or “positive thoughts” and encouragement to help make a positive difference in this world.

Judgmental Video: What Happens When We Judge

November 5, 2010 By R. Brad White 2 Comments

This judgmental Christian video is a live interview with a lady who has been judged by her Christian family, Christian friends, and Christian neighbors. It shows what happens when we are hypocritical and point the finger of judgment at others. It shows the repulsion others feel when we are smug and self righteous, when we should be holding up a mirror. What do we truly hope to gain in a relationship when we judge others?

Produced by:
Joel Bowder, Metro Community Church Edwardsville, IL
Part of their “Perception” Series – based off the unchristian book. looking at the reality of how the world veiws Christians and what we need to do to change that perception.

Christians are Judgmental and Smug

October 13, 2010 By R. Brad White 4 Comments

Judgmental, smug, self-righteous — Photo by Mike Licht, NationsCapitol.com

Judgmental, smug, and self righteous are all negative Christian stereotypes we are known for.

If you’ve ever heard a Christian self-righteously say “you are going to Hell!” then you know the source of this judgmental stereotype.

Condemned

By judgmental, non-Christians usually mean treating them as “condemned”. If you’ve ever heard a Christian self-righteously say “you are going to Hell!” then you know the source of this judgmental stereotype.

Are Other People “More Sinful”?

However, being smug or self righteous also means treating non-believers as “more” sinful than us, and acting morally superior. It’s also judgmental to criticize other people’s beliefs, choices, or conduct, when they don’t reflect OUR beliefs, choices, or conduct. We contribute to this smug or judgmental negative Christian stereotype when we make decisions ABOUT someone without really knowing or caring to know about them.

Here is real story that helps clarify the perspective on Christian judgment:

From “alistarz” on thinkatheist.com

My mom was raised constantly being told that she was a ‘bad person’. I’ve seen the emotional scars it left.

“My grandmother always tried to make me feel bad that my mom didn’t take my brothers and I to church. She would tell me that my mom was a ‘bad person’. Fortunately I was only around my grandmother for a few weeks each summer and on Thanksgiving or Christmas. My mom however was raised constantly being told that she was a ‘bad person’ whenever she did something ‘ungodly.’ I’ve seen the emotional scars it left on my mother.”

The Bible Speaks

God speaks to us about judgment in the Bible on two fronts:

Judgment of people outside the Christian church
Judgment of people within the Christian church

God makes it clear that it is His sovereign domain to judge those outside our Christian church family. Translation: don’t judge others…period!

For Insiders – Counsel

For those inside our Christian church, we are to counsel, help, and attempt to correct and grow each other. Judgment is only condoned when one of us is FAR off track and unwilling to repent or correct our behavior after repeated pleas by fellow Christian believers. And even then, having a smug or self righteous attitude is never condoned as acceptable behavior.

Requirements for Judging Rightly

Consider this: To exercise correct judgment, you need the authority to pass down judgment, the power to enforce your judgment, and a comprehensive understanding of the rules, laws, or guidelines that determine right from wrong. You also need the discernment to identify the truth from all perspectives. You need the wisdom to exercise mercy and forgiveness over judgment at the appropriate time and all for the greatest good.

Can you give up judging others and trust that God will judge rightly?

Who alone can rightly judge? God!
Can you give up judging others and trust that God will judge rightly?

What We Must Do

None of us are free of sin. To shed the negative Christian stereotype of being “judgmental”, “smug”, or “self righteous”, we need to exercise restraint, discernment, and personal humility. We need to love each other as God commands, and leave the judging to God!