One theme I occasionally hear when talking with Ex-Christians and atheists is how when they left the church, no one even noticed. And when I say “left the church”, it initially could be for non-spiritual reasons such as a job change or a cross country move. It can also be for spiritual reasons such as dissatisfaction with or disagreement with their current church.
Do we care enough to reach out to someone who has left? 1 John 4:11 “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” What better way to love someone who has left than to take notice and reach out to them?
Are the leavers to blame?
Now, I have strong feelings about those who leave and aren’t missed by those left behind. I believe those that leave deserve at least part of the blame. I’ve been within a church, and left, and felt like I wasn’t missed. But in that church, I never got involved. I never volunteered. And I didn’t seek to become connected in any sub-surface relationships with others within the church. So, who did I allow to know me at a level that would notice if I suddenly stopped coming? It was my fault, at least in part.
But, let’s not use that example to excuse our part of the blame. The theme I have heard from many ex-Christians is that they left, and they expected to be noticed…and ended up disappointed. We as a faith or as a congregation failed to notice or do anything about it. This disappointment reinforces their lack of faith in a loving God who takes notice of them.
Are we just lazy or unloving?
Now, let’s shed light on an unspoken truth here. Many people DO notice, but far too few take the time to do or say anything about it. We’re lazy. Or maybe we think someone else has probably reached out and that our doing so is not necessary. It’s someone else’s job like the pastor right? Not!
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has left, and then someone calls or emails and says “hey, I haven’t seen you around. How are you?” Suddenly, you feel important, noticed, and loved. That’s the impact we can have on one another if we simply go from noticing, to saying or doing something about it. And in a spiritual sense, we reinforce the person’s faith in God that they are loved and He cares about them. What we should do about it?
How to love the leavers
So, here is my call to action for you. Has someone left your church? Have you taken notice of someone you used to see in the hallways that you no longer see? Reach out to them in some way. Connect with them on Facebook. Call them or email them and simply let them know you noticed their absence. Let them know you care. Be a bridge of God’s love to them. By doing so, you will help change the face of Christianity and positively impact their faith in God at the same time.
Brad, Very thought provoking as I have been at Lifepoint for enough years to see people come and go for many reasons. I’ve struggled with several emotions in this process….sadness, frustration, doubt about my own choice to stay at my church, even anger. I have reached out to people with complete honesty at times & shared my feelings with a few of these folks whom I served alongside or simply knew casually. I think the biggest impression God has made on my heart is no matter what my feelings are, that I am to without judgment, continue to see these people as He would. I’ve discovered that people leave a church for a number of reasons as you mentioned and I think the biggest reason I struggle with is when someone says “I just wasn’t getting fed spiritually.”. This is very personal for people & I try not to be judgmental but quite honestly that sometimes is my first perspective (confession time!). These are the people I struggle with reaching out to but I know I called to love as te verse you quoted from John says. Anyhow, hope i dont ruffle any feathers with my comments….great article! Keep it up. Blessings Rebecca 🙂
I don’t agree with my church on an issue…. rather than spread my disappointment and “attitude”, I’ve begun visiting other churches. Odd thing, though I want to belong to a smaller church, I visit megachurches…which is getting me nowhere. But, I need to go somewhere…. at least somewhere. Right? Yes, the issue is big enough (to me) to stop attending. One friend has kept in touch. Others likely figure I’m attending another service, cause there are 4 services each weekend. The church needs to stop micromanaging their servants, don’t set them up for failure, don’t critique and insult them, get to know them, check in, ask the tough questions, be real, have some accountability and forms of support. Cause if we fail on that, do we have the right to call ourselves the Church?